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Commentators offer parents of divorcing children advice

Commentators offer parents of divorcing children advice

Date: September 27, 2013
In: Divorce

Married couples in Illinois understand that problems can arise in their relationship. Sometimes these problems turn into major issues that result in the dissolution of their union. When children are involved in this decision-making process, it is often best to approach the issues of separation and dissolution appropriately so it doesn’t adversely affect their children.

Authors and educators have some recommendations for how parents of divorcing children should conduct themselves during the divorce. Generally, they recommend for the parents not to relive their own divorces or separations, as this may confuse the child, who will be preoccupied with his or her own divorce matter.

Instead, it is recommended that the parent dealing with a divoce have their parents write down what he or she is feeling, and share it with the child. Moreover, it is recommended that the parents stay neutral in the separation, both for the good of the divorcing children and for any grandchildren. Doing this helps the grandparents remain engaged in the grandchildren’s lives.

Finally, parents of divorcing spouses are encouraged to listen to their children and to refrain from giving advice unless it is sought. This is to give the divorcing spouses the impression that they are being listened to and understood, and that they have their parents’ sympathy and compassion.

In any divorce matter, child custody and support are key issues. In deciding such matters, courts will typically look to what is in the best interests of the child. To do so, courts will consider factors such as the emotional well-being of the parties, the income level of the parties, any geographic relocation involved and any history of drug or alcohol abuse by the parties. In addition, courts will look to the income and educational levels of the parties as well as their earning potential in deciding a fair and equitable payment plan for child support.

Divorces are frequently emotionally crippling for both parties involved. In addition to the emotional trauma, there are also the potential for conflicts over child support and custody, property division and alimony payments. For many spouses, having a sympathetic ear can be therapeutic and can help them recover and move on. This is the essential point the educators in this article were making.

Parties in a divorce matter have the legal option to make agreements concerning issues such as child support and custody, alimony payments and property division. While it may not be easy to do so, it will make the divorce process much less painful. Parties in a divorce have the right to seek agreements and make the process as easy as possible.

Source: Huffington Post, “Whose Divorce is it, anyway?” Claire N. Barnes, MA, Sep. 19, 2013

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